The Sins We Committed After Narcissistic Abuse
A lot of times when we are healing after narcissistic abuse, it can feel like a big confusing mumbled, jumbled mess and ball of yarn - where do I start? And it can feel somewhat exhausting because it is all so confusing and overwhelming...
The 7 Deadly Sins are typically the core of our sins that can lead and generate other sins.
Here is a handy chart and breakdown of the 7 Deadly Sins and wounds which are most common to us as victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse. This is a great chart to use to help you identify areas to confess or to understand your unique wounds better. We can use this to help prepare for confession.
Healing After Narcissistic Abuse Can Feel Overwhelming—But Here’s Where to Start
1. Pride → Humility
We have all battled with pride - it is the main sin of our human existence that led to the fall of Adam and Eve. Pride is when we think we know better than God. Of course this is typically what inflicts a narcissist the most - their overly inflated ego and sense of pride. We may experience pride thinking that I can 'fix' the narcissist, I am in control of my healing, or that I know how to deal with the situation better than God does and I can lead myself better.
The opposite of Pride is the holy virtue of Humility - being humble knowing that God is in control, we cannot fix or change the narcissist, we just have to let go, give it to God, surrender to Jesus and trust that He will solve it. It is realizing that without God I cannot do this alone, I need His help and I need a savior. God wants to be our leader and He wants to rescue us! We just have to let Him and stop trying to control everything. Check out the surrender novena in our blog which is excellent for this.
2. Greed → Generosity
Greed is about wanting more than what you need, especially in terms of money, power, control, or even relationships. It comes from a place of fear—fear of losing, fear of not having enough, or fear of not being secure. After narcissistic abuse, greed might show up as hoarding your time, resources, or emotional energy, afraid to give because you’ve been so drained before.
Greed is an interesting one because we usually think of it in terms of money or possessions, but it can also show up in our spiritual lives. After narcissistic abuse, it’s easy to want to grasp at control—whether that’s hoarding our time, energy, or relationships—because we’re afraid of losing what little security we have left. This kind of possessiveness can keep us stuck in fear rather than trusting that God will provide what we need. And it is natural to feel like this because enduring narcissistic abuse, everything can feel like it was stripped away from us so we naturally go the opposite direction and want to grasp, control, hold on, and not share out of fear of loss.
But that’s not how God wants us to live. He calls us to trust Him as the ultimate provider. Everything we have—our talents, resources, and even our healing—comes from Him. And here’s the amazing part: the more generous we are, the more we see His generosity in return. It’s not always easy to shift from fear to trust, but when we practice generosity, we create space for God to work in our lives—and through us—to bless others. And what a freeing way to live!
3. Lust → Chastity
Let’s be real—lust is something we’ve all struggled with. And if you were in a romantic relationship with a narcissist, chances are they used physical intimacy as a tool to hook you. Love bombing often comes with an intense, intoxicating rush of affection, making it easy to mistake lust for love. After leaving a narcissistic relationship, it’s tempting to fall back into those patterns—seeking validation through physical connection, hoping it will fill the emptiness left behind. But deep down, we know that kind of intimacy without real love just leaves us feeling more broken.
Looking back, many of us realize that if we had stronger physical boundaries, we might have seen the red flags sooner. It’s a tough truth to face, and sometimes, we have to admit that we may have used the narcissist, too—not for love, but for the illusion of closeness. That’s where chastity comes in, and let me tell you, it’s not about restriction—it’s about freedom.
Chastity isn’t just for the unmarried or religious—it’s for everyone, at every stage of life. It doesn’t mean suppressing our sexuality; it means living it rightly, as God intended. St. John Paul II’s Theology of the Body beautifully explains that our sexuality is a gift meant to express real love, not manipulation, power, or selfish desire. And when we live out chastity, we gain so much:
Freedom to see people for who they truly are, not just how they make us feel.
Freedom to discern relationships clearly, without getting blinded by physical attraction.
Freedom to love the way God designed us to—fully, honestly, and without fear.
It’s not always easy, but God’s grace is more than enough to help us. And when we embrace chastity, we don’t lose anything—we gain everything that truly matters.
4. Envy → Kindness
Have you ever felt jealous of the narcissist in your life? Maybe it feels like everyone believes them, and it’s infuriating how unfair it is. Or maybe you look around and see people in loving, healthy relationships and wonder, Why did God let me suffer like this? It’s easy to start feeling bitter, especially when it seems like others are healing faster than you while you’re stuck in the messy aftermath of narcissistic abuse, trying to find a way forward.
Comparison is natural—it’s something we all struggle with. But here’s the thing: God has a unique plan for each of us. Your healing journey isn’t supposed to look like anyone else’s. When we shift our focus from jealousy to kindness, we free ourselves from the burden of competition. We don’t need to be “better” than the narcissist. We don’t need to be ahead of someone else in our healing. What really matters is becoming more open to God, more surrendered to His plan, and more willing to receive the healing He has for us.
Instead of resenting others’ happiness, we can learn to celebrate it. Their blessings don’t take anything away from us. In fact, their healing is proof that healing is possible. And when we choose kindness—toward ourselves and others—we align ourselves with God’s heart, allowing Him to guide us in His perfect timing.
5. Gluttony → Temperance
Gluttony is about overconsumption, typically of food, drink, or pleasure. It’s not just about eating too much—it’s about using things in excess as a way to fill a deeper void. After narcissistic abuse, gluttony might look like emotional eating, binge-watching TV to escape, or overindulging in comfort activities to avoid dealing with pain such as retail therapy.
That’s where temperance comes in. Temperance is the virtue of self-control, balance, and moderation. It helps us regulate our desires so we’re not controlled by cravings, emotions, or attachments. And this can be tricky at first—after surviving narcissistic abuse, we’re often used to extremes, swinging between emotional highs and lows. Temperance brings us back to the middle, helping us avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms while also ensuring we don’t neglect what truly matters.
In healing, temperance is a game-changer. It teaches us that true peace doesn’t come from excess or deprivation, but from trusting God’s provision. When we learn to live in balance—taking care of ourselves without overindulging or avoiding—we make space for God’s healing and live in a way that truly honors Him.
PS: Greed and gluttony are similar in that they both involve excessive desire, but they focus on different things. In short, greed is about holding on too tightly, while gluttony is about taking in too much. Both come from a sense of lack—but the solution isn’t to hoard or consume. It’s to trust that God will provide exactly what we need.
6. Wrath → Patience
Wrath is anger taken to the extreme—it’s when we let our sense of injustice fuel a desire for revenge. We want to “get back” at the narcissist, “teach them a lesson,” or even “destroy” them. But here’s the thing—that’s exactly how a narcissist thinks. They always have to “win,” and they’ll go to any lengths to do it, whether it’s through emotional, financial, spiritual, or even physical harm. We don’t want to respond the way they do. Instead, Jesus calls us to something better.
The antidote to wrath is patience. That doesn’t mean being passive or letting someone walk all over you—it means taking a step back, regulating your emotions, and responding with wisdom instead of reacting out of anger. Anger itself isn’t bad; in fact, it can be a signal that something is deeply wrong. But how we use our anger makes all the difference.
Jesus showed us this perfectly. He wasn’t afraid to express righteous anger—like when He overturned tables in the temple—but He also practiced patience, self-control, and discernment. When we take time to seek God’s guidance instead of lashing out, He will show us how to channel our anger in the right way. Maybe that means setting firm boundaries and standing up for yourself. Maybe it means choosing forgiveness and walking away. Either way, God will reveal the right path if we ask Him.
7. Sloth → Diligence
Sloth isn’t just about being lazy—it’s a deep, spiritual avoidance. It’s when we resist what God is calling us to do because it feels too overwhelming, uncomfortable, or painful. Instead of facing our healing, we bury our heads in the sand, hoping the narcissist will just go away or that the wounds will heal on their own. But avoidance doesn’t bring peace—it often makes things worse, leading to feelings of anxiety, depression, or hopelessness.
Healing is hard. Setting boundaries, standing up for ourselves, working through trauma—it’s not easy. But God doesn’t call us to something without giving us the strength to do it. Sometimes, we’d rather stay stuck in survival mode, but that’s not where we’re meant to stay.
The virtue that counteracts sloth is diligence—actively engaging in the healing process, even when it’s hard. It means showing up for therapy or support groups, consistently receiving the sacraments, fulfilling our responsibilities, and following God’s promptings, even when we don’t feel like it. Diligence is saying “yes” to the work of healing, trusting that God will carry us through.
How Do We Receive the Graces?
Just ask God! Ask and you shall receive - God wants to give us the graces, we need Him to help us. We cannot do it in our own strength and we are not supposed to. The Lord wants us to be dependent on Him because then His power can work through us. So simply ask, sincerely in your heart if you really want it:
"Lord, please grant me more humility, generosity, chastity, temperance, patience, diligence"
