7. Why Does God Allow Narcissistic Abuse?

Suffering is one of the hardest mysteries of our faith. If God is good, loving, and all-powerful, why does He allow us to go through pain—especially the kind of deep, soul-wounding suffering that comes from narcissistic abuse?

This is a question that comes up time and time again in Catholic Narcissist Recovery, and today, we’re diving into it with Dr. Jameson Natwick, a trauma specialist.

The Mystery of Suffering: Wrestling With God

At the heart of this question is the larger mystery: Why does God allow suffering? This isn’t just about narcissistic abuse—it’s about all pain, all trials, all moments where life feels unbearable.

The truth is, there may not be a perfect answer in this life. But as Dr. Natwick points out, suffering isn’t meant to be skimmed over. It’s something we are called to enter into—not as victims, but as people seeking transformation.

One of the hardest things about trauma is that our natural instinct is to run from pain. Psychologically and biologically, we avoid it at all costs. But there are two kinds of pain:

1. Pain that wounds—This is the pain of abuse, betrayal, and injustice. It breaks us, isolates us, and can lead to despair.

2. Pain that heals—This is the pain of growth, of transformation, of breaking generational cycles. It’s the pain of Christ on the cross—redemptive suffering that leads to resurrection.

The key is shifting our relationship with pain. Instead of seeing suffering as pointless, we can see it as a path to healing, if we allow God into it.

God’s Grace is Sufficient: What We Gain From Suffering

In 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, St. Paul gives us one of the most profound truths about suffering:

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.’ So, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities for the sake of Christ; for whenever I am weak, then I am strong.”

At first, this seems completely counterintuitive. How can being weak make us strong? Shouldn’t we be trying to get stronger so we never have to suffer again?

The answer is found in surrender. Strength without surrender can lead to pride—even narcissism. But when we recognize that our weakness allows God to work through us, we open the door for real transformation.

How God Uses Suffering for Our Good

Even though suffering is painful, it can bring immense spiritual fruit. Here are some of the key takeaways from this discussion:

• God fights our battles – We are not responsible for other people’s actions or emotions. When we try to control outcomes, we exhaust ourselves. True freedom comes from trusting God to fight for us.

• We grow in virtue – Through suffering, we learn endurance, humility, and trust. We break generational cycles of abuse and develop the strength to set boundaries.

• We deepen our relationship with Christ – Many of us, including myself, have wrestled with God in anger over our suffering. But that wrestling can ultimately bring us closer to Him—just like Jacob wrestling with the angel in Genesis, which led to a new identity.

• Surrender is not giving up – Surrendering to God is not the same as passivity. It means allowing Him access to our wounds so He can heal them. The Surrender Novena is a powerful prayer to help with this.

• Mary’s gentle love can restore us – If your suffering has been tied to deep father wounds, seeking Mary’s love and protection can be a source of profound healing.

The Path Forward: Trusting God’s Plan

Romans 8:28 reminds us:

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Nothing is wasted in God’s plan—not even your suffering. The narcissist is not bigger than God. Your pain is not bigger than God.

St. Padre Pio once said:

“Blessed is the crisis that made you grow, the fall that made you gaze up to heaven, the problem that made you look for God.”

If your suffering leads you back to God, then it is not meaningless—it is transformative.

Take time to reflect on 2 Corinthians 12:9-10. Let Christ’s power rest upon your weaknesses. Because when you are weak, then you are strong.

You are not alone. God is with you in this. 💙

Let’s continue the conversation—drop your thoughts in the comments below. Have you experienced God’s grace in your suffering? How has He used your pain for a greater purpose?