Unmasking Anger: A Catholic Guide to Healing After Narcissistic Abuse
If you were anything like me, I bet at one point in your healing journey you have been absolutely pissed off, angry, and raging from the injustice you have experienced after narcissistic abuse. It is just so unfair and it makes us mad!! Well, what if I told you that this is normal and it is all part of healing and the Grief Cycle. And not only that, but these emotion of 'anger' can actually be revealing deeper wounds and feelings. Let's dive in and unpack what the emotion of 'anger' reveals from a Catholic perspective
Anger may serves as a mask for deeper wounds and unresolved issues
1. Hurt and Betrayal
Emotional Pain: Anger can stem from feelings of being hurt or betrayed by the narcissist. After all, you thought you knew them but your entire perception of them is false. They were a wolf in sheep's clothing. This emotional pain can be intense, and anger might be the outward expression of inner wounds.
Psalm 55:12-14: "If an enemy had reviled me, that I could bear; If my foe had viewed me with contempt, from that I could hide. But it was you, my other self, my comrade and friend, You, whose company I enjoyed, at whose side I walked in the house of God."
2. Fear and Insecurity
Protection Mechanism: Anger can act as a defense mechanism to protect oneself from feelings of fear and insecurity. It can keep us safe so no one approaches us but ultimately this is preventing us from being vulnerable with the right people who are safe.
Isaiah 41:10: "Do not fear: I am with you; do not be anxious: I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand."
3. Shame and Guilt
Self-Condemnation: Deep-seated shame and guilt can manifest as anger, particularly when individuals are unable to forgive themselves. Oftentimes with narcissistic abuse, the abuser will make you feel like it is your fault and YOU are the problem. This is a lie! Do not take accountability for sins that you have not committed and do not allow yourself to be gaslit or manipulated into believing you are at fault.
1 John 1:9: "If we acknowledge our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from every wrongdoing."
4. Grief and Loss
Unprocessed Grief: Anger can be a response to loss, whether it be the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or other significant life changes. With narcissistic abuse, there is a death - its the death of the false perception and world view and relationship that you had with that person. There are aspects of good times however it was all a perfectly constructed false reality.
John 11:35: "Jesus wept." This shortest verse in the Bible shows Jesus’ empathy and the acknowledgment of grief and loss.
5. Frustration and Helplessness
Lack of Control: Anger can arise from a sense of helplessness or frustration over situations that are beyond one's control. Especially with narcissistic abuse, things will feel like they are out of control. Do not fear, God will help you! Surrender your situation to God and HE WILL make your paths straight. He does NOT want His children to endure abuse.
Psalm 37:8-9: "Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil. For the evildoers shall be cut off, but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land."
6. Injustice and Unfairness
Righteous Anger: Anger can be a response to perceived injustices or unfair treatment, whether personal or witnessed in the broader society and no doubt, abuse of any kind is not fair and is wrong. God will use your story for good and will turn your tears into dancing.
Ephesians 4:26: "Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun set on your anger."
7. Rejection and Abandonment
Fear of Being Unloved: Feelings of rejection and abandonment can lead to anger, particularly if there is an underlying fear of being unloved or unworthy which the narcissist is particularly good at doing because they do not want to be seen for who they really are so they carefully construct a false image of themselves and make others idolize them.
Romans 8:38-39: "For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor present things, nor future things, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Addressing These Wounds from a Catholic Perspective
1. Prayer and Sacraments
Seek God’s Healing: Through prayer, ask God to heal the deep wounds that may be masked by anger. Regular participation in the sacraments, especially the Eucharist and Reconciliation, can provide grace and healing.
2. Forgiveness
Forgive Others and Yourself: Forgiving those who have hurt you and seeking forgiveness for your own sins can help release the anger and heal underlying wounds. Jesus’ teaching on forgiveness is clear in Matthew 18:21-22. Forgiveness is not the same thing as reconciliation, which requires both parties to respect each others boundaries.
3. Spiritual Guidance
Seek Guidance from a Priest or Spiritual Director: A trusted spiritual advisor can provide counsel and support in dealing with anger and uncovering its root causes. Come join us as well in group sessions! https://hello.catholicnarcissistrecovery.com/supportgroup
4. Community and Support
Find Support in the Church Community: Sharing your struggles with trusted members of your church community can provide encouragement and practical help. This is why we created Catholic Narc Recovery and we would love to journey and heal with you: https://hello.catholicnarcissistrecovery.com/supportgroup
5. Scripture and Reflection
Meditate on Scripture: Reflect on biblical passages that address anger, healing, and God’s love. Psalms and other wisdom literature can be particularly comforting. Read the psalms out loud which can be particularly therapeutic.
By addressing these deeper wounds through faith, prayer, and community, we can work towards healing and transforming anger into peace and understanding.
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