3. Have I Gone Through Narcissistic Abuse? How to Know

How Do I Know I’ve Gone Through Narcissistic Abuse?

Many people don’t realize they’ve experienced narcissistic abuse until long after they’ve left the relationship. In this conversation, Dr. Jameson Natwick and I dive into how you can identify whether you’ve been through narcissistic abuse and what the first steps toward healing look like.

Recognizing Narcissistic Abuse

Dr. Natwick emphasizes that the first step is reflection. Whether it’s a relationship with a significant other, family member, or another individual, taking a step back and looking at the relationship with fresh eyes can reveal patterns of manipulation and control that you may not have noticed before.

For me, I had no idea what I was experiencing was dysfunctional. By God’s grace, I stumbled upon a YouTube video that described my situation perfectly. It was a relief to finally label what I had been through, but also overwhelming because I knew I had to process and heal from it. One major red flag for me was being constantly blamed for everything—even when facts proved otherwise. I began documenting interactions just to convince myself that I wasn’t losing my mind. You can listen to my story here.

This is a key sign of narcissistic abuse: the abuser distorts reality so much that you begin to doubt yourself. Gaslighting, manipulation, and smear campaigns are all tactics narcissists use to control their victims. The most chilling realization is that narcissists don’t act rationally; their goal is self-interest at any cost, even if it means destroying the people around them.

Trusting Your Gut

Dr. Natwick highlights a common internal conflict in survivors: the tension between doubting yourself and sensing that something is deeply wrong. Narcissistic abuse isolates victims not just from family and friends, but even from themselves. Over time, you may feel disconnected from your own instincts, unsure whether you can trust your feelings.

Breaking free starts with acknowledging that gut feeling—something isn’t right. From there, documentation and observation can help you see patterns that validate your experience. Talking to a trusted friend, counselor, or therapist can also provide an outside perspective that confirms what you’ve been sensing all along.

The Journey of Healing

One of the hardest truths about recovering from narcissistic abuse is that it takes time. It took me two or three years after leaving the relationship to fully understand what I had been through. Many survivors experience the same thing—it’s like untangling a giant knot of confusion, pain, and self-doubt.

Dr. Natwick encourages survivors to lean into the process, even when it’s difficult. It’s okay to be confused. Healing doesn’t happen overnight, and clarity often comes in stages. Rather than rushing for answers, he advises staying present and taking small steps forward.

Seeking Help and Leaning on God

If you suspect you’ve experienced narcissistic abuse, seek counsel. Talk to a professional who can help you unpack what you’ve been through. And most importantly, lean on God. For me, He led me to a YouTube video when I needed it most. He can work in unexpected ways to guide you toward the truth.

I’ve linked a helpful blog post from Catholic Narcissist Recovery that outlines key terms and concepts related to narcissistic abuse. It may help you identify whether your experience aligns with these patterns.

A Reminder: Abuse Is Not Your Fault

If you’ve been manipulated, it’s not because you’re weak—it’s because someone else is projecting their brokenness onto you. Healing takes time, but you are not alone. As Psalm 34:18 reminds us:

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

God is with you in this season, and He has good things in store for you. Stay strong, seek help, and know that freedom and healing are possible.