How The Narcissist Sees You
It may come as a shock, but the narcissist does not see you the way you see yourself. In fact, they don’t even see themselves the way you see them. Their entire perception of reality is distorted—shaped by their deep-seated wounds, fear, and need for control. If you have been in a relationship with a narcissist, understanding how they see you can bring clarity and healing, especially when viewed through the lens of faith.
Are You Significant to the Narcissist?
One of the most painful realities of narcissistic relationships is realizing that, to the narcissist, you are not truly an “intimate partner.” The relationship lacks real intimacy and partnership. Instead, the narcissist sees you as an object—a tool to meet their emotional needs. They do not recognize your God-given dignity or value you as a person with your own thoughts, emotions, and purpose.
At first, the narcissist idealizes you. They create an image of you—what psychologists call an “introject” or mental representation—that they hold onto rather than engaging with the real you. This is why, in the beginning, they treat you as if you are perfect. If you are perfect and they are with you, then in their mind, they must be perfect too. But this perception is not based on reality; it is based on their need to uphold their own grandiosity.
The Shift: From Idealization to Devaluation
Over time, reality intrudes. You, being a normal human being, begin to show your own thoughts, opinions, and boundaries. The narcissist cannot accept this. To them, you were supposed to remain the perfect version they created in their mind. Now, they feel betrayed.
Rather than acknowledging their mistake in misjudging you, they convince themselves that you have changed—become untrustworthy, influenced by others, or even mentally ill. This internal narrative allows them to maintain their self-image as infallible while blaming you for the growing tension in the relationship. In their mind, you are no longer their idealized source of validation; you have become a problem that needs to be controlled, punished, or discarded.
The Narcissist’s Blame-Shifting and Victimhood
Narcissists see themselves as victims, no matter how much they hurt others. They believe that the world is against them and that you are a primary cause of their suffering. This victim mentality allows them to justify their actions, including manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional abuse.
From a Catholic perspective, we recognize that suffering is part of life, but we are called to endure it with grace and seek healing in Christ. The narcissist, however, refuses to acknowledge their own faults and instead projects their suffering onto others. They rewrite history, portraying themselves as the innocent party while casting you as the manipulator.
How the Narcissist Sees Your Faith and Love
If you are a faithful Catholic, you likely believe in unconditional love, forgiveness, and self-giving. The narcissist takes advantage of these virtues. They see your love as a tool to manipulate you. They interpret your acts of kindness and sacrifice not as genuine love, but as ways to control them. Even your attempts to help them grow or heal are seen as power plays rather than true concern for their well-being.
You may try to reach them with compassion, hoping to change their heart. But the narcissist does not see your love as Christ-like. Instead, they see it as conditional, manipulative, and even oppressive. No amount of kindness will change this distorted perception because their wounds prevent them from seeing the truth.
The Danger of Self-Doubt
One of the most insidious effects of narcissistic abuse is self-doubt. Because the narcissist constantly accuses, criticizes, and shifts blame, you may begin to question yourself:
Am I really the problem?
Am I the narcissist?
Am I being too demanding, too sensitive, too critical?
This is precisely what the narcissist wants. When you doubt yourself, you become easier to control. But remember: God is a God of truth, not confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33). The more you root yourself in Christ’s love and wisdom, the clearer you will see reality.
Breaking Free and Finding Healing
Understanding how the narcissist sees you is not about gaining their approval or changing their perception. It is about freeing yourself from the chains of their distorted view and reclaiming your identity as a beloved child of God.
Here’s how you can begin healing:
Ground Yourself in Truth – Meditate on Scripture, particularly verses about your worth in Christ. (*Psalm 139:14* – "I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.")
Seek Wise Counsel – Talk to a trusted priest, therapist, or support group familiar with narcissistic abuse.
Set Boundaries – Jesus Himself walked away from those who rejected Him (Luke 4:30). You have the right to protect your peace.
Practice Self-Compassion – Do not let the narcissist’s false accusations define you. Lean into God’s mercy and love.
Pray for the Narcissist (From a Safe Distance) – While it may be difficult, prayer is powerful. Ask God to work in their heart, but do not allow their toxicity to consume you.
Conclusion
A narcissist will never truly see you for who you are. They only see their distorted version of you, shaped by their wounds and need for control. But God sees you fully and loves you completely. You are not what the narcissist says you are. You are who God says you are.
Healing from narcissistic abuse takes time, but with faith, wisdom, and support, you can reclaim your identity and find the peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7).
