8. Finding Joy and Gratitude in Suffering: A Path to Healing from Narcissistic Abuse

Suffering can feel overwhelming, isolating, and never-ending. When dealing with narcissistic abuse, it’s easy to fall into despair and believe that there’s nothing to be grateful for. But gratitude is a transformative practice that can help shift our perspective and bring healing, even in the darkest times. Here’s how you can cultivate gratitude and find joy, even in suffering.

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1. The Practice of Gratitude

It’s incredibly difficult to feel grateful when you’re in the depths of suffering. However, there is always something to be thankful for, no matter how small. Practicing gratitude requires us to do things differently. As Matthew 9:17 reminds us, transformation requires a new approach: "Neither do people pour new wine into old wineskins." This means we need to step out of our old mindset and create new habits that foster healing.

One powerful exercise is to write down things you’re grateful for every morning. This can be as simple as having a bowl and a fork to eat with. No matter how small, acknowledging these blessings shifts our focus from loss to provision.

2. Keeping an Evidence Journal

Another practical tool is an evidence journal—a dedicated space where you record ways that God is working in your life. The more distance we get from abuse, the more we awaken to God’s presence. Keeping track of these moments strengthens our trust in Him.

When you look back at your journal after six months, you’ll see how God has been present in every moment. This builds faith and reminds you that He is always with you, even in suffering.

3. The Examen Prayer

A powerful Catholic practice to incorporate gratitude into daily life is the Examen Prayer. This prayer begins with gratitude, followed by reflecting on the day, acknowledging where we fell short, and asking for God’s grace. It helps us recognize God’s hand in our lives, even in the smallest details.

Satan thrives on keeping us isolated and trapped in negativity. Gratitude fights back by reclaiming truth and recognizing the goodness in every season of life. There is always fruit, even in suffering.

4. God’s Purpose in Our Suffering

God is always in control, and He wants us to profit spiritually from our suffering. If suffering feels meaningless, it’s time to shift our perspective. The saints endured intense suffering but remained joyful because they knew their pain was uniting them with Christ. Supernatural joy is a grace we must ask for—_"Jesus, I need more love, faith, and hope. Help me see my situation through Your eyes."_

If your suffering lacks peace or fruit, it may be time to surrender it to God and ask Him to reveal its purpose. He can turn even the darkest situations into something beautiful.

5. Recognizing the Lies of the Enemy

If we aren’t experiencing the fruits of the Holy Spirit—joy, peace, love—it’s a sign that we are believing lies rather than God’s truth. A Catholic therapist once spoke about moving from "freedom from" (negative beliefs) to "freedom for" (embracing our identity in Christ). Healing requires rewiring our thoughts and embracing the truth that we are worthy, loved, and cherished by God.

Retraining our minds takes time, but through daily prayer and surrender, we begin to internalize these truths. We were conditioned to live in an unhealthy way for so long—now it’s time to break free.

6. Serving Others in the Midst of Suffering

One of the most powerful ways to find joy in suffering is to serve others. It’s easy to become consumed by our pain, but helping others shifts our focus outward. There is always someone in a more difficult situation, and when we step outside of ourselves, we open the door for God to work through us.

Even in moments of weakness, the Holy Spirit can use us. A simple conversation with a friend can turn into an opportunity for God to bring healing—sometimes in ways we don’t expect. Don’t let suffering isolate you. Step out in faith and let God use you.

7. The Power of Joy

Joy is one of the most powerful weapons we have against narcissistic abuse. A narcissist does not want to see you joyful, but the joy of the Lord is our strength. When we allow Jesus’ love to fill us, we radiate a light that no darkness can overcome.

If you’re struggling to find joy, ask for the grace. We are not meant to suffer alone. Find community, lean into your faith, and remember—God is with you in every moment. Even in suffering, there is hope. Joy is possible, and through Christ, you can reclaim your peace and healing.