4. Why Narcissists ACTUALLY Do What They Do
What if I told you that narcissists don’t see their actions the way you do? They manipulate, lie, and hurt others—but in their minds, they’re just doing what’s “necessary” and what is 'normal'. In this episode, Dr. Jameson Natwick helps us understand why narcissists behave the way they do, how their disorder develops, and what that means for your healing.
In this Podcast episode we discuss and unpack: Why Narcissists ACTUALLY Do What They Do
Listen Here:
Key Takeaways:
Narcissism is a defense mechanism – Their ego protects a fragile self-worth.
Both nature and nurture play a role – Genetics and upbringing shape their
behavior.
They lack true empathy – They don’t see their actions as harmful.
Manipulation is instinctive – It’s how they maintain control.
Boundaries are essential – It’s the only way to protect yourself.
Resources for Healing:
📌 Resources & Community: https://hello.catholicnarcissistrecovery.com/supportgroup
📌 Connect with Dr. Jameson: https://hello.catholicnarcissistrecovery.com/jameson
Why Do Narcissists Do What They Do?
If you've ever been in a relationship with a narcissist, you've probably asked yourself this question: Why do they act the way they do? It can be difficult to understand their behavior, especially when it feels so deeply hurtful and confusing. In this post, we’ll explore the psychology behind narcissistic behavior and what drives their actions, based on insights from Dr. Jameson Natwick in our latest podcast episode.
The Root of Narcissism: Fragility Behind the Grandiosity
At the core of narcissism is a deep sense of insecurity and low self-worth. While narcissists project confidence and superiority, this facade often masks a fragile self-image. Psychological theories suggest that narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) develops as a coping mechanism—either from excessive pampering or extreme neglect in childhood.
Overindulgence and Entitlement – Some narcissists grow up in environments where they are excessively praised, never corrected, and led to believe they are superior to others. This reinforces a belief that the world revolves around them.
Neglect and Trauma – Others may have experienced severe emotional neglect or abuse, leading them to develop narcissistic traits as a survival mechanism. They build an inflated self-image to compensate for feelings of worthlessness.
NPD typically manifests in late adolescence or early adulthood, as personality traits become fully developed. Most teenagers exhibit some self-centered behaviors, but a true narcissistic disorder is persistent and deeply ingrained.
Lack of Empathy and the Fear of Ego Death
A key trait of narcissists is their inability to empathize with others. This is because truly seeing another person’s emotions and perspectives could threaten their own fragile ego. For a narcissist, admitting fault or accepting criticism can feel like an existential crisis—it challenges the very identity they’ve built to protect themselves.
This is why narcissists often refuse to take responsibility for their actions. Instead, they manipulate, gaslight, or blame others to maintain their illusion of superiority. Their entire worldview is shaped by a need to defend their ego at all costs.
Nature vs. Nurture: What Causes Narcissism?
Is narcissism something a person is born with, or is it learned behavior? The answer is likely a combination of both.
Genetic factors – Some individuals may be predisposed to certain narcissistic traits, such as arrogance or a need for admiration.
Environmental influences – Upbringing plays a major role. A child who is either excessively spoiled or harshly criticized may develop narcissistic tendencies as a way to cope.
Interestingly, studies have shown that some successful CEOs, athletes, and public figures possess traits of “healthy narcissism,” which can drive ambition and confidence. However, when narcissism becomes pathological, it leads to manipulation and a lack of genuine connection with others.
Why Do Narcissists Hurt Others?
One of the most painful realities for survivors of narcissistic abuse is that the narcissist often does not recognize they are hurting others. Their perception of relationships is distorted—they see interactions through the lens of self-protection, rather than mutual respect and love. Instead of acknowledging harm, they believe others have failed them or let them down.
Because they lack empathy, they do not feel guilt in the way a healthy person would. This is why waiting for a narcissist to admit fault or genuinely apologize is often futile. Their primary concern is self-preservation, not repairing relationships.
Setting Boundaries: A Loving and Necessary Step
As difficult as it may be, setting firm boundaries with a narcissist is one of the most effective ways to protect yourself. Boundaries communicate, I will not tolerate this behavior, and force the narcissist to recognize that their actions have consequences.
While narcissists resist boundaries because they are used to controlling others, consistently maintaining your limits can be a turning point. Though true change is rare, boundaries may be the only language they understand when it comes to adjusting their behavior.
A Biblical Perspective: Recognizing Narcissistic Behavior
The Bible warns us about individuals who manipulate and deceive others. In Matthew 7:15-16, we are reminded:
“Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit, you will recognize them.”
While we are called to love others, that does not mean tolerating abuse. Recognizing toxic behavior and stepping away from harmful relationships is not only wise—it is necessary for your healing and well-being.
Final Thoughts
Understanding why narcissists act the way they do won’t necessarily change their behavior, but it can help you detach emotionally and stop seeking validation from someone who may never give it. More importantly, it allows you to focus on your own healing and growth.
If you’re struggling with narcissistic abuse, you don’t have to go through it alone. Catholic Narcissist Recovery offers a supportive community, weekly Lectio Divina gatherings, courses, and a podcast dedicated to faith-based healing.
