Radical Freedom: What Jesus Teaches About Retaliation After Narcissistic Abuse

Matthew 5:38–42 | A Catholic Reflection on Letting Go, Letting God

38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ 39 But I say to you, Do not resist an evildoer. But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also; 40 and if anyone wants to sue you and take your coat, give your cloak as well; 41 and if anyone forces you to go one mile, go also the second mile. 42 Give to everyone who begs from you, and do not refuse anyone who wants to borrow from you.

Have you ever felt trapped in a cycle of trying to prove yourself to someone who constantly belittles you? Tried to “win” an argument with a narcissist, only to walk away more drained and confused than before?

Jesus offers a path that seems almost too radical to be real:

“Do not resist one who is evil… turn the other cheek… give your cloak… go the extra mile…”
(Matthew 5:38–42)

At first glance, it sounds like He’s telling us to be doormats. But when we slow down and understand the cultural context, and the spiritual authority behind His words, we realize something much deeper is happening.

Understanding the Examples

When we first read this passage it can feel too much. Here’s what many survivors of narcissistic abuse feel: “I’ve already given so much. Am I supposed to be weak and let the narcissist walk all over me?!”

No! Jesus isn’t asking you to give yourself to abuse again.

He’s inviting you into freedom - a freedom so radical, the narcissist can’t touch it. Let’s look at what Jesus really meant through these radical acts of love and trust:

🧠 Turning the Other Cheek (v.39)

This wasn’t about accepting violence, it was about not letting insults define your worth.
A backhanded slap in that culture meant humiliation. But turning the other cheek meant:
“You don’t control my dignity. I will not play your power game.”

🧥 Giving Your Cloak Too (v.40)

If someone sues you unjustly, Jesus says: shock them with generosity.
“You can take my tunic. Here’s my cloak too. I am not my possessions.”
This flips the power dynamic and exposes the injustice with holy detachment.

🪖 Going the Second Mile (v.41)

Roman soldiers humiliated Jews by forcing them to carry their gear for one mile. Jesus says:
“Go two. Show them you’re not a slave—you’re free.”

💰 Giving to the One Who Asks (v.42)

Jesus isn’t calling for reckless enabling. He’s calling us to live from a place of open-handed, Spirit-led love - not fear, control, or resentment.

The Narcissist Thrives on Control - But Jesus Sets You Free

A narcissist wants you to react, to stay emotionally engaged in the drama, to resist.
Jesus says: Don’t resist evil with evil.

Not because He wants you to be abused -
But because resistance feeds the cycle. When you no longer play the game, the narcissist loses control.

This is radical spiritual warfare.

You don’t win by outsmarting the narcissist.
You win by living in the Spirit, where the enemy cannot touch you.

Let Go and Let God (Love)

The narcissist drains you with loaded words, lies, shame, and manipulation. These are heavy.
But the words of Jesus are light, peaceful, and freeing.

“My yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:30)

We are not in a flesh-and-blood battle. We’re in a spiritual one.
And the weapons of our warfare are not control, fear, or retaliation… but truth, peace, and love.

"For our struggle is not with flesh and blood but with the principalities, with the powers, with the world rulers of this present darkness, with the evil spirits in the heavens." (Ephesians 6:12)

Closing Prayer

Jesus,
I’ve spent so much of my life reacting—trying to defend myself, prove myself, fight back, or stay silent just to survive.

But today, I want a better way.
I want Your way - the way of peace, power, and radical freedom.

I renounce the lie that I have to resist evil in my own strength.
I renounce the lie that I have to fight by myself and figure it out on my own.

I declare the truth that you will fight through me.

I receive Your Spirit.
I receive Your freedom.

Help me live like a child of God who is no longer afraid.
In Your holy name, amen.